To this nest of comforts Fanny now walked down to try its influence on an
agitated, doubting spirit, to see if by looking at Edmund's profile she could
catch any of his counsel, or by giving air to her geraniums she might inhale a
breeze of mental strength herself. But she had more than fears of her own
perseverance to remove: she had begun to feel undecided as to what she _ought_
_to_ _do_; and as she walked round the room her doubts were increasing. Was she
_right_ in refusing what was so warmly asked, so strongly wished for--what might
be so essential to a scheme on which some of those to whom she owed the greatest
complaisance had set their hearts? Was it not ill-nature, selfishness, and a
fear of exposing herself? And would Edmund's judgment, would his persuasion of
Sir Thomas's disapprobation of the whole, be enough to justify her in a
determined denial in spite of all the rest? It would be so horrible to her to
act that she was inclined to suspect the truth and purity of her own scruples;
and as she looked around her, the claims of her cousins to being obliged were
strengthened by the sight of present upon present that she had received from
them. The table between the windows was covered with work-boxes and
netting-boxes which had been given her at different times, principally by Tom;
and she grew bewildered as to the amount of the debt which all these kind
remembrances produced. A tap at the door roused her in the midst of this attempt
to find her way to her duty, and her gentle "Come in" was answered by the
appearance of one, before whom all her doubts were wont to be laid. Her eyes
brightened at the sight of Edmund.
"Yes, your advice and opinion. I do not know what to do. This acting scheme
gets worse and worse, you see. They have chosen almost as bad a play as they
could, and now, to complete the business, are going to ask the help of a young
man very slightly known to any of us. This is the end of all the privacy and
propriety which was talked about at first. I know no harm of Charles Maddox; but
the excessive intimacy which must spring from his being admitted among us in
this manner is highly objectionable, the _more_ than intimacy--the familiarity.
I cannot think of it with any patience; and it does appear to me an evil of such
magnitude as must, _if_ _possible_, be prevented. Do not you see it in the same
light?"
"But what? I see your judgment is not with me. Think it a little over.
Perhaps you are not so much aware as I am of the mischief that _may_, of the
unpleasantness that _must_ arise from a young man's being received in this
manner: domesticated among us; authorised to come at all hours, and placed
suddenly on a footing which must do away all restraints. To think only of the
licence which every rehearsal must tend to create. It is all very bad! Put
yourself in Miss Crawford's place, Fanny. Consider what it would be to act
Amelia with a stranger. She has a right to be felt for, because she evidently
feels for herself. I heard enough of what she said to you last night to
understand her unwillingness to be acting with a stranger; and as she probably
engaged in the part with different expectations--perhaps without considering the
subject enough to know what was likely to be-- it would be ungenerous, it would
be really wrong to expose her to it. Her feelings ought to be respected. Does it
not strike you so, Fanny? You hesitate."
"I am sorry for Miss Crawford; but I am more sorry to see you drawn in to do
what you had resolved against, and what you are known to think will be
disagreeable to my uncle. It will be such a triumph to the others!"
"They will not have much cause of triumph when they see how infamously I act.
But, however, triumph there certainly will be, and I must brave it. But if I can
be the means of restraining the publicity of the business, of limiting the
exhibition, of concentrating our folly, I shall be well repaid. As I am now, I
have no influence, I can do nothing: I have offended them, and they will not
hear me; but when I have put them in good-humour by this concession, I am not
without hopes of persuading them to confine the representation within a much
smaller circle than they are now in the high road for. This will be a material
gain. My object is to confine it to Mrs. Rushworth and the Grants. Will not this
be worth gaining?"
She could not finish the generous effusion. Her conscience stopt her in the
middle, but Edmund was satisfied.
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